💃 Drunk Salesforce Ideas, Bottoms Up! 🕺

rGood morning, Salesforce Nerd! You know the rules. No intros, no disclaimers, just drunk ideas and good vibes 🍻

And if you enjoy this, then check out the past ideas that are probably all in production now 😉

GHOST PROTOCOL

Inactive User Haunting 👻

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What is it?

When a licensed user hasn't logged in for 90+ days, their avatar starts appearing as a translucent ghost on other users' screens. Floating across dashboards. Lingering in list views. The longer they're inactive, the more aggressive the haunting gets 👻.

Why?!

You're paying $200/month for that license 💸.

The ghost is a passive-aggressive ROI dashboard, a graphic display of the wasted money on a license not being used 👻.

After 180 days, the ghost starts rattling chains. After a year, it possesses random fields and changes picklist values.

Either reassign the license or perform an exorcism 🙏.

FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT

Salesfarce

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What is it?

All credit to Reddit user u/Federal-Snow1914 and their post promoting this idea that could only have been conjured while sipping on a cold, delicious Busch Lite.

Why?!

NCAA March Madness inspired the original “boss button,” but this enterprising Reddit user brought a year-round utility to the concept.

The idea is to disguise your computer screen from your over-bearing boss with a Salesforce-look-alike that is actually your favorite subreddit and *gasp NOT a List View 🥷.

Check it out in the Chrome Store 🍻

LOUD AND CLEAR 🗣️

“Can You See My Screen” Ultra-Notification

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What is it?

During a Zoom call, when a presenter successfully shares their screen, then they are blasted with a full-screen, high-visibility notification: "YES. THEY CAN ALL SEE YOUR SCREEN. PLEASE PROCEED." 

It cannot be dismissed for 3 seconds. There is a sound effect. It is not optional. 😤

Why?!

Every meeting.

Every.

Single.

Meeting.

"Can you guys see my screen?" 🫠 

We've lost more collective productivity to this question than to any Salesforce bug in history 💀.

Do the drunk math: 50 million meetings/day × 8 seconds of "can you see my screen" awkwardness = 4.6 BILLION seconds wasted per day. That's 146 years. Per day!

You just got 146 years back. Hello, drunk math.

And. You're welcome 🥂.

YOU, AGAIN?!

Report Déjà Vu

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What is it?

When a user builds a report that's identical to one that already exists….

(created by someone else, three years ago, buried in a subfolder called "Dave's Reports DO NOT DELETE")

…then, Salesforce stops them mid-build and plays a dramatic reveal showing the original 🪄.

Why?!

There are currently 47 versions of "Pipeline Report" in your org.

Dave made one in 2021.

Sarah cloned Dave's but renamed it.

Then marketing made their own because they "couldn't find it."

Then the new VP asked for a "fresh look at the pipeline."

It's the same five columns, filtered by close date!!

The dramatic reveal includes a slow zoom, suspenseful music 🎵, and a counter showing how many hours your company has spent rebuilding the same report.

Get your reporting dignity back with Déjà Vu 😘!

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

Release Notes That Roast You 🔥

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What is it?

Three times a year, Salesforce drops release notes.

Instead of the usual corporate tone, each feature update calls out exactly how long you've been doing it the hard way.

"We added bulk delete. You've been deleting records one-by-one since 2019. That's 4,212 unnecessary clicks 🙂."

"Dynamic Forms is now GA. You've been putting 87 fields on a single page layout since 2017. Your users have been scrolling for nine years. Enjoy!”

"Mass Transfer is now available for Opportunities. You've been reassigning them one by one every time a rep quits. The last time took you 6 hours. You billed it as 'data hygiene.'“

Why?!

Because it’s funny? And we’re drunk?

As well, consider this…you’re going to dump the release notes into you favorite LLM and ask for a the greatest hits and a brief summary. Another menial task passed off to AI, to save time, increase productivity, and nudge you a little closer to being fodder to the inevitable Skynet scenario.

Take a moment to read some funny notes before the technology you’ve had a love-hate relationship turns on you 🙃.

THE PEOPLE’S WILL

“End Meeting” Button

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What is it?

An "End This Meeting" button available to ALL participants.

When 100% of attendees are pressing it simultaneously, the meeting ends. 😁

Why?!

This one is just common ^*buuuurpp  sense. 🤗

POLL

SOUL FOOD

Today’s Principle